Gyro Smoothie

A couple of weeks ago, there was sort of a pity/sympathy party at Sarah's place. We made a bunch of smoothies and stuff in sort of a solidarnosc moment, since her jaw was wired and she was subsisting on a liquid diet.

Most people were content to puree fruits, ice cream, and the like. Their smoothies were delicious, yet mundane, the sort that any Tom, Dick, or Harry might make if armed with a fistful of berries and a blender. I, however, was not content to settle for mediocrity. In the best traditions of philosophy, science, and exploration, I resolved to go beyond, to push the boundaries of pureed food and challenge preconceived notions of what a blender could do. I did not simply want to make food; I wanted to craft a legend.

I made a gyro smoothie.

I journeyed to the local gyro guy (I refuse to call them halal carts, also that's gyro not yeero) and picked up a lamb gyro in a pita. Normally I would go for a mixed over rice (that is, both lamb and chicken over yellow or orange rice), but I felt that it would not make a very good smoothie due to the large amount of rice. The gyro guy produced a nice, packed gyro, with plenty of lamb topped with hot sauce and white sauce (is it tzatziki? is it just mayo?).


Smug as hell, making history

After arriving at Sarah's house, I cut the gyro into four pieces to facilitate blending. It needed some coaxing, by way of chicken broth, to truly form a puree, but once enough was added, I managed to puree the sandwich to a drinkable consistency.


Look upon my works, ye Mighty, and despair!


Getting psyched, getting very pumped.

It looked a lot like barf, it smelled a little like barf, but it did not taste like barf. At the start, I was very happy about the flavor, with its strong notes of lamb and pita. I quickly drained about half of the thick puree before slowing down between 50 and 75 percent of the way through. My initial enjoyment of the concoction was tempered by its thick, heavy starchy quality. The crispness, brightness, and tartness that the lettuce, tomato, and white sauce give a gyro all kind of got lost in the middle of lamb and pita. I tried to remedy this by adding hot sauce halfway through, but this did not help much. Ultimately, I was only able to get about 80% of the way through the gyro smoothie.


Smells like victory.

The next night I was discussing my monster with a Greek gentleman, and we brainstormed some ideas. He suggested that up to four times the usual amount of tzatziki would have helped. I agree. Additional lettuce, tomato, and possibly cucumber would also improve the flavor and consistency. As I write this, I am even reconsidering the use of chicken broth as the blending liquid - probably yogurt would help preserve the gyro flavor better and result in a lighter drink.

If any of you has the stones to walk in the footsteps of a giant, maybe you could try some of these suggestions and let me know how they work out. Until then, I think I will stick to solid gyros.