Gyro Smoothie

A couple of weeks ago, there was sort of a pity/sympathy party at Sarah's place. We made a bunch of smoothies and stuff in sort of a solidarnosc moment, since her jaw was wired and she was subsisting on a liquid diet.

Most people were content to puree fruits, ice cream, and the like. Their smoothies were delicious, yet mundane, the sort that any Tom, Dick, or Harry might make if armed with a fistful of berries and a blender. I, however, was not content to settle for mediocrity. In the best traditions of philosophy, science, and exploration, I resolved to go beyond, to push the boundaries of pureed food and challenge preconceived notions of what a blender could do. I did not simply want to make food; I wanted to craft a legend.

I made a gyro smoothie.

I journeyed to the local gyro guy (I refuse to call them halal carts, also that's gyro not yeero) and picked up a lamb gyro in a pita. Normally I would go for a mixed over rice (that is, both lamb and chicken over yellow or orange rice), but I felt that it would not make a very good smoothie due to the large amount of rice. The gyro guy produced a nice, packed gyro, with plenty of lamb topped with hot sauce and white sauce (is it tzatziki? is it just mayo?).


Smug as hell, making history

After arriving at Sarah's house, I cut the gyro into four pieces to facilitate blending. It needed some coaxing, by way of chicken broth, to truly form a puree, but once enough was added, I managed to puree the sandwich to a drinkable consistency.


Look upon my works, ye Mighty, and despair!


Getting psyched, getting very pumped.

It looked a lot like barf, it smelled a little like barf, but it did not taste like barf. At the start, I was very happy about the flavor, with its strong notes of lamb and pita. I quickly drained about half of the thick puree before slowing down between 50 and 75 percent of the way through. My initial enjoyment of the concoction was tempered by its thick, heavy starchy quality. The crispness, brightness, and tartness that the lettuce, tomato, and white sauce give a gyro all kind of got lost in the middle of lamb and pita. I tried to remedy this by adding hot sauce halfway through, but this did not help much. Ultimately, I was only able to get about 80% of the way through the gyro smoothie.


Smells like victory.

The next night I was discussing my monster with a Greek gentleman, and we brainstormed some ideas. He suggested that up to four times the usual amount of tzatziki would have helped. I agree. Additional lettuce, tomato, and possibly cucumber would also improve the flavor and consistency. As I write this, I am even reconsidering the use of chicken broth as the blending liquid - probably yogurt would help preserve the gyro flavor better and result in a lighter drink.

If any of you has the stones to walk in the footsteps of a giant, maybe you could try some of these suggestions and let me know how they work out. Until then, I think I will stick to solid gyros.

many milkshakes

I know I promised you soups and such, but first I have a simple little post about what I'd mainly been subsisting on before I broke down and actually cooked something:

Milkshakes.



This one was peanut butter banana nutella. It was tasty once blended.

I've also been using a lot of strawberries, blueberries, raspberries and even some cantaloupe. In the beginning I mixed in sour cream and yogurt into these shakes, but lately it's been ice cream. I have vanilla, chocolate, peach, and orange sherbet/vanilla creamsickle.

As a liquid mixer, I was using Ensure, but I wasn't crazy about the taste, so when my supply ran out after two weeks, I opted not to buy any more, switching over to milk. I also have some Tropicana orange juice, and these delicious Naked juices my neighbor Leah was kind enough to bring by when she heard about my injury. The blueberry and mango blend well into fruit smoothies, but I kept the green machine flavor to drink on its own, mainly because it's a very dark green color and I thought the color wouldn't do my smoothies any favors.

My friends Marc, Salmaan, Dave, Grace and Lauren came over on Friday for a puree party, but we only ended up making milkshakes. (Except Nathan, who insisted on making something so disgusting that it will have to wait for another entry.) We didn't add any berries to our Friday night milkshakes, which was a nice change of pace since I didn't have to strain out the seeds or blueberry skins. Just nice smooth ice cream, bananas, milk and oreos.

As an added treat, Grace bought me a fun sundae glass and some pretty colored straws. They are awesome and cheer up any sad puree.



Look how nice my strawberry shake looks now!

liquid food....

...sucks. I am getting the wires replaced with rubber bands tomorrow, I think. I hope. I haven't been able to lick my lips or unclench my teeth in nearly two weeks. It's been absolutely awful. I've been mostly drinking ensure mixed with ice cream, yogurt, sour cream, berries and juices. I am getting used to the kind of gross taste, actually.

I've mixed up a couple of savory things, but there's just something utterly unappealing about straining pureed spinach or avocado through your teeth, even if you've mixed it with black beans, sour cream, red onion, cilantro, lime, tomato, chicken broth, olive oil, cumin and garlic powder. It tastes good, but the act of drinking quickly kills any enjoyment of the meal.

Nathan actually liked my avocado drink and used it as a dipping sauce for a grilled cheese sandwich with black beans and avocado.



Boy would I kill to bite into something as simple as a grilled cheese sandwich.

I've also been drinking a lot of corn soup. I had frozen the disappointing watered down soup I made a few weeks ago, so when I got more corn I simply defrosted it and added more corn kernels. It's much richer and sweeter with the extra corn, but I'm sick of it too, to be honest.

Here's a picture:



I can't even eat the cilantro garnish. What an utter bummer.